Diets...(I'm screaming on the inside)

I figured people might want to know my take on this popular topic. I have tried A LOT of diets. I have been both a success and a failure at diets. I think the main reason(s) diets don't work is that they're neither individualized nor long-term. You have to figure out for yourself what you can give up and what you can't; what you can do and not do--for the long haul. Some tips: 1) Don't let anyone else define for you what you want to look like. If you're a healthy size 14 and love it, good for you. That goes double if you're a size 3 and constantly hear, "Girl, you need to eat." If you decide what you want to look like based on tv or magazines, good luck. Think about it: If it was your job to look good all the time, of course you would find the time to eat right and exercise, and you'd probably have plenty of money to hire people to help you do it, too. Decide for yourself what you want to change and what you want to keep, and have specific reasons: "I want to fit into my blue dress," is much better than "I want to get in shape." 2) Choose Healthy vs. Unhealthy. I know, I know, no-brainer. But you'd be surprised how many people think an all coffee, all grapefruit, all WHATEVER was their ticket to a healthy physique. Ditto for not eating or making yourself throw up. If you find yourself doing these things EVER, you may have a severe psychological condition called an eating disorder. Get help immediately, as if left untreated they can and do lead to death. Visit http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ if you think you or someone you know may have an eating disorder. That said, even if you don't have an eating disorder, the quick fix is ever-so-tempting. Don't do it! Eating a balanced diet low in fat and sugar, high in lean protein, fruits/veggies, and whole grains is the best way to achieve your goals, in my humble opinion. Note: I am not a nutritionist and this advice is not intended as such. These are simply basic guidelines from a layperson's persepective. In fact, it may be beneficial for you to visit a nutritionist, especially if you have special dietary needs. 3) Choose exercise you can stand to do...and do it! If you hate running, guess what, the quickest way to sabotage your weight loss goals is by forcing yourself to run. While it's true that certain kinds of exercise burn more calories than others, the important thing with exercise is to stick with it. This you are more likely to do if you enjoy what you're doing. Love a morning walk? Go for it! Like to play tag outside? Why not? You can start slow, but the important thing is to get moving! Please make sure you consult your doctor and/or personal trainer before starting an exercise program. 4) Variety is the spice of life. People get bored easily. I'm just throwing it out there. Let's face it folks, we do. In part because our lives are so fast-paced, in part because we have 20 doodads and gadgets in our faces all day long, and mostly because we're just people. Our brains aren't meant to do the same thing all the time; they're way too complex. So if you think you're going to get away with feeding your brain salad every day without a revolt, you've got another think coming. Try something new! Your local health food store has lots of interesting healthy goodies. Rice milk, anyone? Dried cherries? Blue corn tortilla chips with organic salsa? Bonus: most health food store fare is lacking preservatives and hormones, both dangerous things for your weight as well as overall health. Make sure you vary your exercise routine, too. I cannot stress this enough. If you let yourself slide for a day or two because you're bored, it becomes excruciatingly hard to get back on the wagon. Vary it every day, if you must. Bonus: varying what you require your body to do on a daily basis is harder and thus burns more calories. 5) The Gottas. You all know what I'm talking about here. "I GOTTA have chocolate NOW or I will die!" If you feel that strongly about it, go ahead and have it. My tips: You can't have the gottas every day. Come on now. The term "indulgence" sort of loses its meaning if you do it all the time. Also, eat first before you indulge. You'll be less likely to order a muffin the size of Antarctica on a full stomach. Finally, keep the serving as small as possible to quench the craving. A certain popular chocolatier named after a city in Pennsylvania has these little sticks of chocolate for 60 calories. You could eat like three and still be way under the calorie limit of most desserts. Not that I recommend that, but if you "gotta..." Until next time ;)

Your Mom Goes to College

I have been to college twice now, at two different colleges in two different states. I have a BA in sociology and I'm working on my second--A Master's in Music Education. My voice teacher told me the other day I should be a college counselor after overhearing me give my young friend advice...now, I share all that I've learned with you for free! 1) Decide your sophomore or junior year in high school if you really want to go to college. Your parents might kill me for telling you this, but college is not for everyone. Some people aren't that academic, or just don't know yet what they want to do. It seriously is better to take a few years off than to just "pick something," and let me tell you, the pressure to do this once you're in college only worsens. Take it from me: As a young idealist, I forced myself into sociology, and ended up being an underpaid social worker with a mountain of debt and no health care. Not only that, but I spent the $7,000 I had earned in scholarships for one year at a private liberal arts school that I didn't even end up staying at. If I had taken a few years off to clear my head, I probably would have chosen a cheaper college close to home and gone into education much earlier. Keep in mind that if you never go to college, you will most likely have to work two lower-paying jobs to make ends meet. Some people do this their whole life and are okay with it, so it's a choice you have to make. 2) If you are sure you want to go to college, decide what is important to you. Once again, I suppose I should expect angry comments from parents, but the truth is, college isn't all about schoolwork. Just like high school, there is a whole social and emotional aspect you have to consider. I moved away from home to Chicago at eighteen, and ended up having nightmares, calling my mom crying, and fighting with my roommates, only to move back home a year later broke and defeated. Decide what you want to gain from college while keeping in mind you are there to learn, too. Is work study important to you? Class size? Are you an athlete? Are you of a certain culture or orientation where sensitivity is key? Do you want to party? Do you want peace and quiet? Are you going to have to work? Do you want to live at home or far away? On campus or apartment? Is religion important to you? What about diversity? Visit as many schools as you can, even before you apply. Imagine yourself living there for four years, and try not to pay attention to the dazzlies they will inevitably wave in front of your nose (waffles every Tuesday, jacuzzis in the dorms, home of Dave Matthews, whatever). Try going to the various offices and see how helpful/organized the staff is; not just the tour guides who get paid to be helpful and perky. 3) Next, decide where to go and apply to schools. I suggest making a list of "must haves" and "can't handles" for your college experience, then going online to look at schools you have heard about and sound interesting. I would look at about 20 schools, all in geographic areas you can definitely picture yourself living in for four years or more. Beach bunnies might think snow is awesome for a week or so, but once the cracked hands and staticky hair kick in, they might be crying for the summer sun. Then, narrow down the list of 20 to about 10 schools that have most of your "must have" items and the fewest of your "can't handles". Don't forget to include price as a factor, as financial aid only goes so far. Then go through each school and assign a positive number +1 through+6 for each "must have" the school has, and a negative number -1 to -6 for each "can't handle" it has. For example, Ohio State: Must have: great football team, +5. Can't handle: winter weather, -4. Total score for Ohio State=+1. From the list of ten, choose three that most closely match your requirements numerically only! (aka, high positive numbers match the closest!) This is very important! If you don't pay attention to the numbers, bias will creep in; aka, you may make your decision based on the picture of the grounds, how nice the lady on the phone was, etc. Then, visit these three schools. The above process should be done your junior year, that way you're not pressured to choose a school right away. Reevaluate the schools after visiting, using the above number system. If you don't think these schools are the right fit, visit more schools until you arrive at three you want to apply to. Send for applications to these schools, or, most schools have electronic applications to complete right on the web. Next, you may want to have your parent or guidance counselor help you with your application. You do not need to be approved for financial aid to apply to a school! A lot of people don't know this, but the due date for your bill is usually like a week to a month before classes start; however, you can be accepted to a school as much as a year in advance! The timeline usually goes like this: Junior year, decide on schools to visit/visit schools. Senior year, apply to schools. Winter of senior year, file FASFA/apply for scholarships (I'll explain what this means in a minute). You are however, going to need $20-$100 for a non-refundable application fee. That's why you must choose your schools so carefully! In addition, most schools want you to write an entrance essay to enclose with your application. I know, I know, the thought of writing an essay sends most people into a panic. Consider asking a trusted English teacher to help you write your essay, and then review it for you. Then show it to two other people. It's a good idea to get multiple opinions, and be prepared to write multiple drafts based on their feedback. If this sounds like a lot of work, welcome to college! 4) Financial aid puts the "F" in "confusion" Ummm...what is a FAFSA? EFC? Do I even need to do this stuff? FAFSA stands for Free Application for Student Aid. It is a one-stop application for federal grants (which you don't have to repay) Direct Loans (which you will have to repay, but don't let this scare you; there are flexible payment plans and you get ten years), and Direct Parent Plus Loans (which your parents repay). It is primarily need based, but if your parents are well-off; don't let this discourage you, most people still qualify for loans. You will need your tax information for the past year, if you worked, as well as your parents' tax info. You will probably need to fill this out with your parents--and you can do it online at fafsa.ed.gov. You should have your three schools chosen and possibly applied to at this point in the process; as you will have to enter the schools you want your information sent to. This is how the financial aid offices of your chosen schools determine your award package. Once complete, print out your confirmation of doing the fafsa so you have proof. You will then receive an SAR or Student Aid Report which is basically the information you put on your fafsa with the addition of your EFC or Expected Family Contribution, or what the school expects you and your family to contribute to the cost of your education. Important! If anything is incorrect, make sure you correct it and send it back. If it is correct, you don't have to do anything--the school will send you an award letter. You decide what money to accept and what to decline. It's important to create a budget for cost of attendance when you decide what school to go to. This includes, but is not limited to: tution/fees, housing, transportation, meals, books, and miscellaneous. That way, you know how much money you are going to have to borrow, and btw, all these expenses are a valid basis for how much to borrow. You do not have to accept all of your aid, but keep in mind that how much you decline will be divided and distributed equally across all semesters of attendance. For example, if you get a loan for $3000 and decide to only take $2000, you will receive $1000 for fall and $1000 for spring. It will be further divided if you attend during the summer. Uneven disbursements are not allowed. This means in the above example you would be unable to take $1500 for fall and $500 for spring. 5) Scholarships start at home. Apply for as many scholarships as you can. Take it from a grad student--people want to give money to kids just starting out, not us old timers. Look at your church, local bank/credit union, and your parents' employers, in addition to your high school. Your counselor should be able to provide you with a list of scholarships; both local as well as national--start applying as soon as you're eligible! Beware, however, of free money for school as advertised online. Most of these offers are scams and not legit. Run anything you come across by your parents or trusted adult. The college you end up choosing will no doubt have numerous scholarships you can apply for as well; and they may even give you some based on the information from your FAFSA! How cool is that? Work study is also an option, wherein a certain portion if not all of your earnings from an on-campus, part-time job go directly into your student account. I did this my first year at a coffee shop--imagine, money for school for sitting on my butt and occasionally making coffee! Make sure you ask about scholarships and work study options when you visit schools! 6) What if I am doing it alone, without my parents' help? This is a tough situation, no matter how you look at it. If your parents are unable or unwilling to help you, you can go through a process to declare yourself an independent student. I recommend this only in extreme cases, as it is usually only approved in situations of abuse or abandonment. My feeling is, if you are 18 and your parents aren't helping you, your financial aid should reflect that. Either way, it's worth a try. Consult a lawyer (some give free consultations) or the financial aid office of your chosen school for help on this. I found information on this at: http://finaid.blackrivertech.edu/PDF%20Documents/Independent%20Student%20Application%20for%202006-2007.pdf 7) No one expects you to figure all this out tomorrow. It is really difficult to understand this stuff! It took me five years and I'm still learning. Most importantly, when you get to school, meet as many people as you can, get involved, study hard, and have fun! Feel free to post a comment with any questions or concerns--I'll answer them to the best of my ability. Until next time!

Diners' Ten Commandments

1--Thou shalt not tip crappily. Rule of thumb, here folks--10% for bad service, 15% for okay service, 20% and above for excellent service. We make 3 bucks an hour without you! Pay us decently, for the love of Jehovah! 2--Thou shalt not expect thy server to drop everything he/she is doing for your immediate request. Believe it or not, we have OTHER TABLES. Please give us two seconds before getting irritated that you don't have your third extra ranch dressing of the evening. 3--Thou shalt not talk on thy cell phone whilst trying to communicate with your server. What if I got my cell phone out while waiting on you? 'Nuff said. 4--Thou shalt not come in with a huge party, talk during the order taking, move around constantly, and then try to get out of paying gratuity. We work our behinies off for the joy of your special occasion; treat us right! 5--Thou shalt either control thy children in the restaurant or beateth their behinds outside. Is it really safe to let your kids sit at the bar or run around the restaurant screaming? Restaurants are busy, hot, dirty places. One wrong move into the kitchen and your kid could seriously get hurt. 6--Thou shalt not whistle/snap at, grab, or say "hey" to gain server's attention. A little wave is sufficient, and by the way, if your server is doing their job, he/she will check on you at least once after your food arrives. 7--Thou shalt not suck down soda like a dehydrated camel and expect immediate refills. If you're that thirsty, really, should you be drinking soda anyway? 8--Thou shalt not eat all of thy food and then complain about it, hoping to get a discount. If it was good enough for you to eat it, it's good enough for you to pay for it. 9--Thou shalt not sexually harass thy server. If you want to let your server know "it's eleven inches," by all means, don't get upset when she laughs in your face. 10--Thou shalt not camp out in tables chatting in front of your mutilated food after thy bill is paid, and thy hath sucked every last drop of liquid and chewed every ice bit from thy glass. This would be like your employer not paying you when you are stuck there in a power outage. No tables=no money, and the tip from your small salad and water ain't gonna cut it, sugar.

Relationships...the big "le sigh"

Yeah...I guess I've only been in a few real relationships. The good news is, the second one turned up a winner. I'm now engaged. I wasn't always this lucky in love, however. A quick note on a few follies in love to help you star-crossed lovers out there from making the same mistakes! 1) If you are in an abusive relationship--head for the hills! I stayed in one WAY too long, convincing myself "it wasn't that bad" and that the good times more than made up for when I was called names, pushed, and not allowed to go anywhere. Trust me on this: someone who really loves you doesn't want to hurt you. They want only the best for you. People who hit, call you names, or attempt to control everything you do need serious help and know how to mess with your head. Don't let them! 2) If you really want a real relationship, don't waste your time in bars and/or on players. Come on. You're smart enough to sniff out a phony if you really want to, if the desire to fall in love hasn't clouded your brain that badly (as it probably has). If someone gets angry with you because you won't give them money, do them favors, or have sex with them, guess what, they want to use you and move on. You're better than that, right? Someone who likes you for you will stick around for the long haul. 3) Stop looking so hard! People can smell the desperation. Be into yourself. Find out what you like and throw yourself into it...before you know it, love will find you. 4) When you do find someone promising...take it slow. Let out the crazy a little at a time, no need to reveal all your gross and/or annoying habits right away. By the time they know everything about you, they're trapped...er, I mean, in love :) I can't stress it enough not to rush the physical side of things. Men and women see those things very differently...what "seals the deal" for women is often a "dealbreaker" for men. 5) Don't sweat the little things. There will come a time in a long term relationship where a single sock could be enough to send you over the edge...don't let it. Sometimes you will lose your cool, but try to shrug off as much as you can. And, if you are the one who does the offending, see the other person's side and don't do that! Looking forward to our next chat...