Diners' Ten Commandments

1--Thou shalt not tip crappily. Rule of thumb, here folks--10% for bad service, 15% for okay service, 20% and above for excellent service. We make 3 bucks an hour without you! Pay us decently, for the love of Jehovah! 2--Thou shalt not expect thy server to drop everything he/she is doing for your immediate request. Believe it or not, we have OTHER TABLES. Please give us two seconds before getting irritated that you don't have your third extra ranch dressing of the evening. 3--Thou shalt not talk on thy cell phone whilst trying to communicate with your server. What if I got my cell phone out while waiting on you? 'Nuff said. 4--Thou shalt not come in with a huge party, talk during the order taking, move around constantly, and then try to get out of paying gratuity. We work our behinies off for the joy of your special occasion; treat us right! 5--Thou shalt either control thy children in the restaurant or beateth their behinds outside. Is it really safe to let your kids sit at the bar or run around the restaurant screaming? Restaurants are busy, hot, dirty places. One wrong move into the kitchen and your kid could seriously get hurt. 6--Thou shalt not whistle/snap at, grab, or say "hey" to gain server's attention. A little wave is sufficient, and by the way, if your server is doing their job, he/she will check on you at least once after your food arrives. 7--Thou shalt not suck down soda like a dehydrated camel and expect immediate refills. If you're that thirsty, really, should you be drinking soda anyway? 8--Thou shalt not eat all of thy food and then complain about it, hoping to get a discount. If it was good enough for you to eat it, it's good enough for you to pay for it. 9--Thou shalt not sexually harass thy server. If you want to let your server know "it's eleven inches," by all means, don't get upset when she laughs in your face. 10--Thou shalt not camp out in tables chatting in front of your mutilated food after thy bill is paid, and thy hath sucked every last drop of liquid and chewed every ice bit from thy glass. This would be like your employer not paying you when you are stuck there in a power outage. No tables=no money, and the tip from your small salad and water ain't gonna cut it, sugar.